Defined, laughter is a physical reaction and emotion that is usually in response to humor or some other stimuli that produces a sound often varying in intensity and duration. The best part about laughter is how it can affect one’s physical well-being as it requires participation from the body’s brain, diaphragm, facial muscles and respiratory system. Physically, laughter can help to relieve pain, reduce stress, improve heart health and even boost one’s immunity, while mentally laughing can reduce tension and improve one’s mood. I can’t imagine anything more relaxing or more fun than spending time with people who laugh freely.
There are several types of laughter and I am sure most have encountered them at some time or other like the malicious kind where one laughs at the discomfort he has caused another or the nervous kind in response to an uncomfortable or embarrassing situation. One of the best kinds is the belly laugh, often loud and unrestrained, which could easily become contagious so that others will laugh along with them. Some may actually cackle, giggle, guffaw, wheeze or snort their laughs while others may laugh silently with lips closed but the laugh could be evident in their eyes. And finally there Is the etiquette laugh, offered because one knows it is
To satisfy my fascination with the English language I will frequently pick up a book that addresses the ever present quirks that seem to permeate our speech or may give examples of various word sequences that are often misused, and the result is that I will get my quota of humor for the day. I plan to share a variety of those quirks with you here and hope that by so doing you too will find some, if not all of them amusing too. The following content is from books written by Richard Lederer, an American linguist, author, speaker and teacher as he addresses our Anguished English.
In sections he devotes to student papers turned into their English or History teachers he begins with a major faux pas, “In 1957,Eugene O’Neill won a Pullet Surprise” and goes on to include the following: “Last year many lives were caused by accidents.”; “A virgin forest is a place where the hand of man has never set foot.”; “Although the patient had never been fatally ill before, he woke up dead.”; “The death of Francis Macomber was a turning point in his life.”; “The Gorgons had long snakes in their hair. They looked like women, only more horrible.” And a true gem: “The difference between a king and a president is that the king is the son of his father and the president isn’t.”
And in sections that address excuses written by parents, for their children being absent from school: “Mary could not come to school because she has been bothered by very close veins.”; “Please excuse Jimmy for being. It was his father’s fault.”; “My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired, She spent the weekend with the Marine’s.”; “Please excuse Mary from being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps.”; “Dear School: Please excuse John being absent on Jan, 28, 29, 30, 31,32, and also 33.”; “Please excuse Gloria from Jim today. She is administrating.” and “Teacher, Please excuse Mary for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot.” It must be hilarious in the nation’s school breakrooms for teachers as they share other gems from both of the previous sections.
And it can also be amusing listening to those involved as they explain the reason they had an accident: “A truck backed through my windshield and into my wife’s face.”; “An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my car, and vanished.”; “I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law, and headed over the embankment.”; “ The accident happened when the right front door of a car came around the corner without giving a signal.”; “The gentleman behind me struck me on the backside. He then went to rest in a bush with just his rear end showing.” and, “The telephone pole was approaching fast. I was attempting to swerve out of its way when I struck my front end.”
As to the art of writing ads: “Dinner Special – Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00.”; “For sale: antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers.”; “Wanted: unmarried girls to pick fresh fruit and produce at night.”; “Great Dames for sale.”; “Toaster: A gift that every member of the family appreciates. Automatically burns toast.”; “Stock up and save. Limit: one.”; “We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.”; “Sheer stockings. Designed for fancy dress but so serviceable that lots of women wear nothing else.”; “Used cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated? Come here first!”; “Wanted: Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink.” And of course – “3-year-old teacher needed for pre-school. Experience preferred.”
And then there are the summary dictations by physicians after they have seen a patient – You can be certain that those who transcribe the material are howling with laughter!: “Bleeding started in the rectal area and continued all the way to Los Angeles.”; “She stated she had been constipated for most of her life until 1989 when she got a divorce.”; “The patient suffers from occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.”; “Between you and me we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.”; “The patient was in his usual state of good health until his plane ran out of gas and crashed.”; “Patient was alert and unresponsive.”; “Heart problem is fixed. The patient died at 10:07 this morning.”; “The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stockbroker instead.”; “If he wakes up, he is to have repeat doses of codeine plus lemon/honey/whiskey every 10 seconds in a steam room.”; “I sounded her with a #26 sound, and she let out a scream that broke two beakers in the examining room and caused a patient at the delicatessen around the corner to aspirate his Ruben sandwich.”
We wouldn’t want to forget the treats that come during a session in our courtrooms: From an attorney: Q. “And can you show me a copy of that oral agreement?”; Q. Sir, what is your IQ? A. Well, I can see pretty well, I think.”; Q. “Where did you go next?” A. “ Over by the hill where all the people conjugate.”; From the Court – Q. “Do you have motion to make at this time?” A. “Yes. At this time, Your Honor, we would move that the jury be discharged and the jury be hung because of inability the reach a verdict,”; Q. “Miss, were you cited in the accident?” A. Yes Sir. I was so ‘cited I peed all over myself.”; The truth of the matter is that you were not an unbiased, objective witness. Isn’t it?. You too were shot in the whole ordeal.” A. “No sir. I was shot midway between the ordeal and the navel.”; Q. “Are you qualified to give a urine sample?” A. “Yes sir. I have been since early childhood.” From attorneys: Q. “Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war?” and Q. “Were you present in the court this morning when you were sworn in?”; and one of the best: “Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?”
I hope you found at least some of these little quips to be entertaining and as a result added to your laughter level for the day. If not, it may be time for you to find what it is that interests you and what it takes to make you laugh. As mentioned before the health benefits of laughing are too great to miss out on and, as a bonus, in most cases being a person who can laugh readily is certainly fun to be around and is usually considered to be a great social asset!
