The timeline of my life is so uncool it stays cool. By the time I make a decision to join the crowd in whatever is the ‘it’ item of the moment, the ‘it’ item is no longer a thing and I usually remain untapped for the additional expenses of the cool factor. The tattoo craze–excuse me—body art expression—was never a threat to my epidermis and likewise, the cost of removing a long-lost lover’s name on my inner arm was not an issue. Rainbow colored hair had no appeal for my ‘natural’ blond locks. I read about new diets, but implementation often interferes with my love for chocolate and adult beverages. Beanie Babies, Cabbage Patch Dolls and the like were not worth the fight to acquire and then lock down.
My life rocks along with an outdated mobile phone, and ancient laptop computer, a printer with wires, and cable television. The only reason I no longer have a landline for my primary phone is the cable company discontinued that service. My bundled bill does not break the bank and I must admit on the rare occasion I have an issue, the cable company always has a cheery human to address my problem and find resolution. (Reference Walter, my cable guy.)
Despite my joy in living a decade behind progress, my neighbors are on a campaign to liberate me from my cable television. They were some of the pioneer streamers of video service from beyond the cable black box. Before Netflicks and Chill was a thing, they were Netflicking me with the idea that sitting around binge watching serial show after serial show was fun. As comfortable as their theater seating was, I lasted 20 minutes before they were asleep and I was out the door to binge shop. They did not give up.
Hulu entered my space as an enticing benefit to my phone service. By the time I signed up, reset my password, waited and waited and waited and waited for the buffering thingy to upload, I had forgotten my password, had no clue what I meant to watch and was distracted by a book I really wanted to read. Amazon Prime is still the rage in the neighborhood—both for immediate delivery of paper towels and original programing. I admire the Amazon and all the modern-day conveniences it provides, but I am suspicious of the system and avoid sharing information with Czar Bezos and his plot to not pay taxes. The Amazon shows look interesting, but I am gambling they will appear on my TBS cable channel soon enough.
Months ago, the neighbors were bragging about their tiny charges for internet and streaming. Their astronomical cable bill was reduced to barely a blip on their revolving charge and their service was superior to anything they had before. Of course, they had to buy an old fashion antenna to attach to a random television for local news, they claimed that was only for natural disaster reports, local news gossip and the occasional bar shooting. Their version of cable service was much different from my basic plus service. They had ALL the channels and not enough time in the day to watch everything. My viewing habits are not nearly as addictive.
Yesterday, at our weekly viewing-free happy hour, another tune was playing from their streams. Seems to keep up with the latest and greatest, their streaming subscription list surpassed their cable channel viewing. They were Netflicking, Huluing, All-Accessing, Disney- Plusing, Amazon Priming, Appling, YouTubing, Spotifying, Slinging, AT&Ting, Acorning, Philoing and then just making up words I have never associated with television viewing. Their non-cable watching habit was in the mid-three-figures for their monthly bill. That did not include internet service upgrades to accommodate all the streaming and the fancy new televisions they had to buy. BUT, they noted, they could watch anything anytime on their computer, phone, ear buds, Ipads, contact lenses and virtual credit card.
Meanwhile, back in the 2010’s reflection of the 2020’s, I have pretty much the same cable plan and very close to the same price point. My bill did go up, but I took a field trip to the local cable office. They kindly provided me with a one-on-one consultation of my viewing habits and the best plan to maintain my viewing pleasure with left over monies to spend on more important things like health care. The trusty DVR allows me flexibility in viewing times and plays on any television in my home. I am not a fan of viewing television on any item other than a television, so missing out on watching anything any where is not a miss for me.
The neighbors are on their way to a two-month cruise. Turns out, their streaming may not reach the open waters of the great Pacific—that was an early brag for the streaming—it can follow you ANYWHERE. My streaming will remain only in the deep thoughts of my mind as I imagine the significant savings of my non-streaming life.
