As we lounge around in our sweatpants and sip our ‘coffee’, we may or may not be free to hug our mothers this fast-approaching Mother’s Day. My last official Mother’s Day hug was 17 years ago, in simpler times when my mother would tie up the family landline misusing the early days of the internet waiting for her computer to buffer. My brothers ran away from town decades before, but they were good about calling to wish her a happy Mother’s Day, at least that was their intent. The phone line would be busy for hours, so they would call me to complain they could not get through and would I give her a hug for them when I went to the house.
Texting was not a thing yet, my parents were not mobile phone people and while my brothers could email, my mother was not yet savvy to receiving electronic mail. Do not ask me why they did not send a traditional card; I think it had to do with their gender and the fact their wives did not oversee the in-law side of the family. As the dutiful daughter, I made the effort to bring flowers, only to be told I should have spent the money on something more practical. I brought over dinner, only to be told I got the order wrong. I provided the virtual brother hugs, only to be told my hair looked funny, my pants made me look hefty and my brothers were a lost cause because they didn’t care enough to call. Ah, the love only a mother can give.
I do miss my mother. She was honest, caring, and was the greatest example of how to give back and help others. She taught me how to bargain shop, never let my hair go to its natural color, and most importantly, how to manipulate men. We laughed; We shared clothes (the pants made her look hefty as well); We disagreed on television shows and news events; We schemed how to make family events and dinner parties trauma free. She was a wonderful example of how to be the best person you can be and most importantly, she showed me that while she was my mother by birth, there were many more ‘moms’ out there to watch over me.
This year, in a time more than ever when we need a hug and cannot give or receive one, I just wanted to put my hugs in print to a few ladies who took the missing mother torch and made a difference in a time of my life when you really need your mother. First, cheers to Aunt Jill and Aunt Angie. My mother was the middle sister, and the three of them could not be more different. That makes for a wonderful perspective on everything from animal care to sports observations to movie reviews and most importantly, to keeping the extended family together. The Aunts have lived a wild and crazy life, which just goes to prove my wild and crazy life was not by accident, but a genetic trait that put the LIVE in living. They have travelled the world, survived the health issues that would put an elephant down, and shared joy and tragedy with grace and dignity. Thank you for being the mothers of adventure.
My dear Miss Sosa was the fifth-grade teacher with whom every kid at Dellview Elementary prayed to spend the year. I was not as lucky as my siblings, who scored the win, but Miss Sosa watched out for me way passed the fifth grade. (Mr. Helmer won the lottery to have me in his class . . .) We reconnected decades later at a Dellview celebration. She asked for my address and now we have literally been pen-pals for years. There is no greater joy than to receive a card with a loving note from a lady who is ageless in mind and spirit. I am amazed at 60 years old, my fifth-grade influencer still inspires me with random phone calls, hilarious observations, and a blessed Mass said for me on special occasions.
Mrs. Patton was my mother’s best friend. We all agreed, I was separated at birth from the Patton family, as Shirley and I had many more similarities than my mother and me. She was Martha Stewart long before there was Martha Stewart. My mother could cook, garden and sew, she just did not enjoy those events. Shirley embraces every sunrise with a new project and taught me how see the beauty in everything we touch. She has gifted me in ways she can never know, and I enjoy the peace of her front porch and sage words of wisdom.
My cousin Donna has taught me patience and the joy of unexpected motherhood. She makes being a mother look effortless and fun. Every day is a new adventure at her house and her daughter Allison is nothing but pure love and innocence. Their smiles light up a room and I cannot wait to see them at family reunions and holidays.
We need a distraction from our quarantine days—trust me—observations are coming, but for now, take moment and find the mothers in your life that made a difference. Happy Mother’s Day to my other mothers.
